Below are the most recent 12 friends' journal entries.

Thursday, December 31st, 2009
kittenbutten	11:06a	it's snowing!! it never ceases to amaze me when it snows. i love the fluffy flakes and the way it makes everything look so new and beautiful. i'm a sucker.
Comments: take a dump.
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
callmemrpurpose	3:57p	the form of confidence  confidence is just a lame foot  carved out of dreams aided by a wall of callouses   and bulging calves attached to thighs that can squat all your hopes and a life of fuck ups while firewalking but hopes are cheap and deceptive like beer for the health conscious and fucking up is paid training with a mouthful of steroids and those coals on your toes I see no smoke, no glow nothing confidence gets too much assistance to be so grand it's small yes, and potent but so small it might not even exist and it's potency might be imagined too confidence is just a god damn commercial for the newest coke product to dominate the demography  coke's peers all taste the same to me I don't use confidence to get women or make friends or succeed  it's too easy, it's too phony better to use it to flavor eggs in a strange new recipe or to invent a philosophy or to throw away everything you think you know because you are confident it's not much better to always seed a new life than pretend the old one is perfect confidence can paint over the ugly or the mundane but it's still the same old shit confidence is an armor plate of unfeeling  unthinking - absence of measure a no holds barred tea party for the weak to pretend they are strong and the srtong to laugh themselves silly and the ghosts to create experiments where everyone has a chance ladies & gentlemen confidence is not a quality it's what we assign to letting go of the weight we imagine or don't imagine that we carry it's a trick so we can lift our megatons of thought or our puny aspirations to wherever we imaging they should go
Comments: take a dump.
oh_snap	1:31a	I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas, then baby I'm through. Four more weeks couldnt make any difference, except maybe to you. 1. Will you make me mixes for the drive &upload them to the internet or e-mail them to me? Danielascrima@gmail.com I like mix cds from the internet or when we used to decorate mix tapes. Someone  was telling me a story about my younger self having pride about a tape deck and not wanting to get a cd player installed in the car but I just can't remember it. I remember when it was but part of me thinks I must have just said it, that I didn't really mean it, because they took out the slot for cassettes and then you could put in CDs. 2. I am always nervous the night before leaving anywhere but tonight I feel out of sorts in a particular sort of way. It feels surreal that I am going to see Alex with my new hair and my new year- it feels made up. These past two weeks I've been thinking I should make a new blog for a new decade because this blog is a decade old. I have been livejournalin since the first day of high school and I don't know how that makes ten years already. Ten years feels like a hundred years but some of it is so vivid, so all over the place. No lapses. It all comes in waves. That's all I can say about memories or sadness or great jumps of joy is that they all come in waves &that this too shall past & do you have any advil in your purse-- could you look? 3. I am going to miss my mother. I think something has gone wrong with society or my genetic make-up because now I feel this feeling that is so internal, so blood coarsing through my veins where I want to be surrounded by females that I am related to or life long friends with and it will all be like some other time that I remember with women around a kitchen table and I could hear the solace within their words and the way they stopped speaking when their husbands walked in. I want to hear that kind of silence. Go deaf from it. Go mad. It's all this "cut me in two" bullshit and this black and white mentality where I fail to see the gray area. There has never been a gray area and when I try and combine it all someone stops to tell me they arent even colors they are absences of reflections of light and I won't stand for it. I don't want to mean it any better than that. I cant give it any more thought. There isn't space left for that. You should have seen me packing. Everyone came out and you were there too.
Comments: take a dump.
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
whendaysdie	10:48p	hrm in due time... all good things come to an end
Comments: take a dump.
Monday, December 28th, 2009
oh_snap	8:19a	New Years Eve is basically my least favorite holiday, but I am ready for it to be a New Year. I think I've been waking up at 7:30 without exception because I don't sleep too well in this bed. I am not looking forward to flying on Wednesday because I feel too tired for connecting flights. I am too tired to connect ha-ha-ha. Well, I have basically bought the world while here and my non-childhood bedroom is surrounded by Sephora, Dillards, Betsey Johnson, Forever 21, ten random thrift stores, Marshalls, Best Buy & Target bags. Whoops! Whoops guys, I have no self-control. At least during the holidays I am an emotional spender instead of an emotional eater? What the fuck how did I even put that in a sentence like it was an okay or good thing? Anyway, I have been speaking with my parents mainly in Italian and that's been pretty fun. I mess up the same things I messed up as a kid which is calling masculine things feminine and feminine things masculine some of the time. But what the hell man, the car is a dude and a the table is a girl and maybe the keys too but not the dishwasher? Yeah, yeah-- I know, I know. I think I even got that wrong but now it's not funny like I was six. Anyway, half of what comes out of my mouth is Sicilian dialect, Spanish and now a little bit of Latin! Whoops again. Wednesday I leave for Portland but my flight isnt until 5:30 which kind of makes me nervous. Any insane thing will make me feel nervous right now most likely because I feel insane and nervous. More so than usual. I get in late,like at 11 which will feel like one and then the next day is new years eve and then I believe New Years day we begin our descent down the coast. First we are stopping in a town called Eureka and I don't remember why but we are staying in some crazy Inn and I got to pick the room. Here are pictures of "Old Town Eureka" and then Room #35 And look at how dream like the rooms are: Then from Eureka we proceed to San Francisco where we are staying for two nights at The Queen Anne Hotel but I don't know where we are going afterward and I wish I did because I lie about being spontaneous. i just found out father is having some tournament in San Fransico at the end of January but now I cant remember at what hotel but it looks very much like a geometry project. I guess I should take a shower or watch more Dawson's Creek because no one else is going to wake up for a while. I got an HP 10 Inch mini Netbook or whatever but I feel like it is so slow. Everyone said something about slow but I forget that I dont listen to anyone so there is that. I didn't get a digital SLR camera for Christmas because I was bad and Santa knew it. Not the Santa at Countryside Mall who told his life confession to Ilana about being fired from the Dr.Pepper company while holding her hand and asking her how scared she felt on a scale of 1-10 because she was Jewish and had never sat on Santa's lap. At this point I was already done with it and taking pictures of myself. He wouldn't write down "Daniela Scrima-- Golden Doodle Puppy". Lumps of coal for everyone.
Comments: take a dump.
Sunday, December 27th, 2009
kittenbutten	9:14p	zing
Comments: take a dump.
oh_snap	11:25a	Waiting in some room in Palm Harbor for a massage can't move my neck or turn my head or get up to ask what's taking so long. It's a Sunday I wonder how obnoxious I look. There are women on pilates machines too bending themselves in half. I can do these tricks too. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
Comments: take a dump.
Saturday, December 26th, 2009
oh_snap	9:40a	she is bawled up on the couch My neck has been perpetually out for days while everyone around me coughs up what's left of H1N1 and I pretend I am in the movie "Outbreak" I pretend it's Chapter 3 of The Stand. I learn (just like I learn annually) that you can never really go home again, that you will always be replaced by some girl that looks too much like you or a circle of friends that hits the repeat button when the button really says "rewind". I could write him an e-mail and articulate all of it so properly, I can hear just how it would go but I'm sick of writing e-mails so I'll send out psychic signals to the universe with my half broken neck and all the promises of the golden Land. I'll think that maybe in time I could write like that and until then I just can't write like anything. I face the facts: I arrive in Florida and allow a woman to cover my face in acid for fifteen minutes. None of this bothers me and no, the acid on the face is not related to the head ache. My parets cannot get off each others backs on Christmas morning so I make them drinks and clean the kitchen. We put on Troy and they fall asleep and I keep saying that Hector doesn't kill Menealus because he goes to Egypt and then Telemachaus sees him with Helen. And everyone is asleep thoguh mom wakes up briefly to say that Paris and Helen end up together and I wake up briefly to explain how I am either the reincarnation of or direct descent of Homer. I am Homer, guys. My face stops peeling off and I think a lot about maps and bank accounts and how you pack suit cases with a broken neck or tend to guests or don't feel homesick. And I wish I was in Ohio. And I want to cry, I desperately want to cry but my mother is crying at the kitchen table. I've made her crying and she asks me to remember things that I cannot possibly remember. She asks me to remember when she shopped at Macy's 8 months pregnant and I was in utero and did not like the musicians playing so I began flipping around in her belly and she could see my little foot my little hand and it was Christmas 1984 and I was born January 1985 and well, do I remember? And I nod my head because it seems accurate enough. Everyone tells me I have to start using organic deoderant or I wont be fertile and I tell them that I already started using chlorine-free tampons to which most people respond "there is chlorine in tampons?" And I try so hard to give a shit to recycle. To make long distance phone calls to give advice even though I don't know when Sal's voice changed and I can't see Nicole driving so I mainly miss Ohio. I put my head in the hands of Randy Phoenix and I beg him to change my hair. To baptize me in the color bowl, to make me anyone else. "Jackie O on a bad day" "But that would just be you sweetheart" And I stop calculating money in my head or weighing myself or vomitting and I am scared of Alex and California and the way strangers say "Hi" or that the planet is vast or that black holes exist in outer space and it is all just like turning 10 when you realize you're in double digits and time is running out. And a new camera and the west coast and better hair and hospitality, they will all save your life. Even though you've known from the get go that they do not plan to. They have not even considered it.
Comments: take a dump.
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
jesusloves_me	8:24p	Jah + Ith + Ber + 3 socket body armor = Enigma
Comments: take a dump.
kittenbutten	11:54a	farewell Very Instictual Cunning Objecting Democracy In Nepal
Comments: take a dump.
Monday, December 21st, 2009
oh_snap	11:07p	slouching towards Bethlehem 1. I keep reading the same essays and falling asleep in six different rooms. I wake up and try and walw to my room but then I remember I don't have one. My Brooklyn room. My New York that I love so much more when I am not there. Now I am marathon watching Jericho, some TV show that was canceled. 2. Parents have H1N!. I am trying not to double catch it but I feel like hell. I ordered so many movies off of Amazon because of their $5.79 movie deal. Head pains. Maybe it's lice. Lice of the brain. 3, This post is not real. Just like me. Sorry team.
Friday, December 18th, 2009
oh_snap	6:02p	I'm so tired of crying, you'd think I was a Siren. The wind is howling or a dog is dying-- I can't tell. Maybe a dog is howling and it is the wind that is dying. My face is literally peeling off and have I ever told you how much I love shit like this? The actual metamorphosis? I am not telling you I'll be a butterfly in three weeks or however it goes, I am much more like an average snake but I love when it finally gets to be literal. Like the day I sat in my room and they were remodeling the house and no one thought I was home so men with sledge hammers just started knocking down the walls. It was one of the lowest points of my life-- summer '06 (early edition) and the walls were literally crumbling around me. It is like for two minutes God tells me he'll be fair and appropriate. So I'll let my face peel off; I'll let the walls crumble. I'll tell you the truth because you don't believe it anyway. Mom's still mad at me. Gregg disowned me. Alex sends me the same text message. It's a dog not the wind. I want to go save it. I will take it. Randy fluffs my hair and I try and justify that I am fine through broken sentences and the people in the mall that stare at me. I cannot tell if they stare because I am pretty or because I am ugly or because I am just plain loud and stupid. Louder than you, that's for sure. For sure it is. It's 6 and the sun didn't even set yet. Randy runs his fingers through my hair and I keep telling him to cut it off. I can feel poison leaking through my brain and it was not man made. Now look, I am going to steal the neighbors dog. Look everybody, look at what you've done. Shirley was working at the pharmacy at CVS and she said Ilana was just in and I didn't recognize her-- Shirley not Ilana and she said something about another baby and Matt being in school and then I slowly had to reconnect who was who and remember high school and laugh that Ilana and I are both buying anti-depressants a week before Christmas. Later she is going to come over with some movie that is based on a Tennessee Williams play where someone maybe Joan Crawford watches her family get eaten by cannibals? Do you know what I am talking about because I sure as hell dont. I bet Miss G would know. I bet they all have real names underneath. Randy did my hair but just cut it. He cut so much off and so much was still there. In a new salon that I didn't trust. I bought Dior Addict and Marc Jacobs Hollywood and some Mac red lipstick and some OPI pink nail polish that is only for my toes because my nails are red for life. I tried on a pair of purple boots and when the woman working was taking to long I dropped them on the floor in front of her. Nick asked "what have you been doing" and I don't think I responded. I just think I tell him about Disney World and call Chase bank crying. Call NYU crying. Ask him for three paragraphs crying. Think about kidnapping the neighbors dog. Wonder if my mom regrets hating me after I leave Florida. She loves me so much when I am gone. She laughs so hard at all my jokes but damn does the woman hate me. She looks at me like I ripped through her skin. Not anything beautiful but more like the scene in Alien I am the alien if you didn't get it. If you didn't get it-- any of it-- then maybe you weren't supposed to. You don't even say "I love you" without having to think about it so don't lie to me. It takes one to know one-- hey! go ask all your friends. I am sure they have a great answer. And the magic between my thighs and my voice like that of a siren must only be good for so long before I just start eating flesh-- that's how it goes right? You better get some wax for your ears. You better tie yourself down with this ship. You better have somebody tighten the ropes, Spike. You better have somebody cast you to the mane Ulysses. You better learn the difference between "LOL" and "FML" because I cannot make this about literature. Not from lack of trying.
Comments: 2 turds dropped - take a dump.